dater, please!

Me So Shallow... Me Ignore You Long Time

2010-02-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

Subject: The Shawshank Redemption

One of the best movies ever Made!!!!! love it

-A

Subject: ok

So I guess you cant be mature and write back and say hello

-A

Subject: no

No response means not interested. This is how it works.

-FF

Subject: re: no

And shows that your shallow

-A

Men Seeking Women? Really?

2010-02-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

Expect Less.

2010-01-23T14:27:00.000-08:00

Life can be really unpredictable, and I know that big things happen to you when you less expect it, so I do hope that one day when I less expect it I will get your email and then the first page of our book will be written : )

Special Delivery... It's Quite a Package!

2010-01-23T14:08:00.000-08:00

rhyme tyme

2009-12-18T19:10:00.000-08:00

Attraction has occured but to the eyes may be deceiving. Message me back if interest sparks and to a friendship we maybe achieving.

It's Business Time?

2009-12-18T19:02:00.000-08:00

subject: Noticing You

Hi,

I thought I would share with you a bit of my life. My business has been exploding lately, we are working for many oil companies around the world either finding them oil fields, or the money to develop them. I have also been assisting these companies in merging and acquiring other companies worldwide. There will soon be an article published about us with regards to the work we are doing to help the poor with their energy needs.

I do try to apply my principals, in that I do business by following my heart. I try to do everything out of Love and in being of service to others. I often help those who are beyond hope and work hard for them so they might live there dream. I am a great believer in having no limits, to believe that nothing is impossible, that you can do anything. Many of my clients are dreamers who think big and have the guts to defy the odds and I am with them all the way. I feel that if you want your dreams realized you must first help others realize theirs, and if I hope for great love, I must first give it without condition.

My goal in life is infinite ecstatic love, which I have experienced, so I know it exists. This love starts with loving each other totally then going higher and higher in that communion of hearts in romantic love where you become one. It is this "oneness" that we experience God and his ecstatic love. My other goal is to live a balanced life of living for the world but also the spirit. I try to live this by being contemplative while busy in the world. When I am in my heart going deep into each moment in life I begin to experience a hidden treasure, that of spirit that lies beyond what we see. It often leads one to great passion or the power of God manifest in his creation that is so powerful that we can do the impossible and go beyond ourselves to pure feeling of something mystical but truly feels like our real home.

I pray this day for you that you have the courage and faith to live victoriously in light, love and joy of knowing that they have no limit and to know that experiencing these things is our destiny.

Your friend,

W

King in the Castle, King in the Castle, I have a chair!

2009-12-04T20:27:00.000-08:00

Photoshop Fail

2009-12-04T19:51:00.000-08:00

I prefer a man who is less pixelated... and pointy.

I'm Too Flexxy For My Shirt

2009-12-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

Again with the camera phone, bathroom mirror, Mr. Universe phenonmenon. I keep zooming in to see what you got there on your bathroom counter, mister.

They See Me Rolling, They Hating

2009-11-30T20:32:00.000-08:00

Daters please....Stop taking pictures on your phone of yourself driving.

My Wet T-Shirt Brings all the Girls to the Yard

2009-11-25T17:57:00.000-08:00

Orange you glad I didn't write him back?

2009-11-25T17:56:00.000-08:00

A Swing and a Miss

2009-11-25T17:50:00.000-08:00

did you look at my profile and think that guy will break my heart?

No, my head.

I get Netflix?

2009-11-25T11:05:00.000-08:00

Hi sweetie, im r, How are you. I sing and play bass also love movies,You say lack the ham gene you mean to jump around?
I live in marina del rey close by and own a cellular phone business.I get blockbuster movies mailed to me, three at a time and have three now? I hope to hear from you soon.

chain of fools

2009-11-18T13:29:00.000-08:00

J Date has another match for you!

Thanks to D for this worthy submission..

Another classic bathroom mirror self portrait

2009-10-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

it's just not that interesting?

2009-10-11T21:58:00.000-07:00

subject: just wondering ?

Hi how's it going? Hope your week is going well. Just wondering why a beautifull woman like yourself it's not interesting in having children?

D

If I do decide to have children it will be with someone with better grammar.

hit me where it hurts! my profile!

2009-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Subject: hi

Oh geez, another lame profile read. I think the girl in the profile is probably more
interesting.

M

Man in the Mirror

2009-09-23T22:45:00.001-07:00

His only user photo, of course.

A Fine Romance

2009-09-22T20:43:00.000-07:00

subject: had too

hi, i've just checked into a great hotel in hermosa, and was checking messages and thought i'd see who was near. could not just click by without sending a hi, you read to be a very fun, nice, open, confident woman, and i just think you are very very pretty.

i'm out of your age range and don't even live here, but with this balcony overlooking the beach, and two nights in this incredible room, i wish i knew a woman like you in this city.

that's it for the fan mail.

peace,

j

I don't really understand this whole I'm in town for the weekend thing. I assume you are married and horny.

Do I Look Like an Escort? Don't Answer That!

2009-09-16T17:45:00.000-07:00

I am down in LA through the weekend. Would you consider letting a guy from seattle take you out for drinks??? ;)

compliment fail

2009-09-16T17:39:00.000-07:00

Hey, I don't mean to annoy you, I saw you're profile in the search and thought you seem cool
My name is L. I think we should probably chat, because you seem pretty fun, and possibly cute! (it's so hard to tell in this digital world)

Pour Some Syntactical Splendor on Me, In the Name of Love

2009-08-14T22:14:00.000-07:00

Taken from a winning user profile. Edited out a lot more than you see here. It went on and on...

UBER PERSONALITY GUARANTEE: I guarantee that meeting me will leave you simultaneously thrilled, inspired, confused, craving, self-confident, and self-conscious. My best physical features: 6-way tie among my (1)eyes (2)abs (3)perfectly proportioned ears (4)triceps that women keep finding excuses to touch during casual conversation (5)smile (can't see it in these pics, but take my word for it) (6)a voice that "just has that effect"....

Summon my cerebral sensibilities with a splurge of syntactical splendor or syllogistic spectacle...Or, send me a cleverly chosen E-card to get my attention. To be more specific...if you really want to make an impression on me, then be able to do the following things all at once: Walk. Chew gum. Expound on the political economy of AIG, CIT, TARP, TALF, PPIP, FDIC, SEC, CFTC.....Flaunt it on the dance floor, demonstrating that your "assets" are worthy of starring in a Shorty Biggy music video....

Leave me speechlessly confounded over whether you look more ravishing in a scarlet cheongsam, rhinestone-laced tube top, or curve-cradling pinstriped power suit...while teaching speech, pausing only to manage simultaneous PR and marketing campaigns on your Blackberry during a coffee break. Render me powerless to figure out which lights me more on fire: the passion in your kiss, or the compassion in your deeds. Be my combination tour guide, curator, interpreter, and resort pal for the world's most fascinating cities. Satisfactorily explain to me where you've been all my life...

And finally, I need a woman who empathizes with my age dilemma: my calendar age is 30-something; my soul age is 1,000-something; my mental age is 50-something; my physical age is 20-something; my technological age is "divide by zero" times Moore's Law......

I LIKE PROOFREADING MY EMAILS BEFORE I SEND THEM

2009-08-14T10:51:00.000-07:00

I LIKE MARTIAL ARTS , WORKING OUT STAYING IN SHAPE . FISHING BOWLING GOING TO THE MOVIES AND KISSING PRETTY GIRLS! IM GOING TO SHCHOOL AND WORKING FULL TIME SO IM A BUSY PERSON. I ALSO HAVE TATTOOS ALOT OF TATTOOS, SO IF YOU HAVE TATTOOS THAT IS A PLUS . I ALSO LIKE PERCINGS ON GIRLS I THINK THAT IS SEXY.

J

I don't have any tattoos or piercings.

I don't want to share my parts with you

2009-08-14T10:46:00.000-07:00

I get the matter of you being a little shy at first.... I also understand there is alot in you that you enjoy and parts you want to share. Although it sounds easy enough... I want to share my life with someone, the reality of my and your comfort is something that has not happened since my divorce 7 years ago. Are you accepting applications?

z

come hither, m'lady

2009-08-11T12:47:00.000-07:00

open shirt + man jewelry = terrible idea

submitted by D

Lower... lower...

2009-08-01T18:26:00.000-07:00

just wanted to know if my profile sparked your interest..
nice chat? drinks? massage? my treat!
let me know if u like my profile and we can take it from there..

E

mirror mirror on the wall, who's the douchiest of them all?

2009-07-28T12:58:00.000-07:00

Another faceless torso, another bathroom mirror.

It's fun to stay at the Y-M-C-A

2009-07-28T12:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, the locker room portrait.

go make us a salad?

2009-07-28T12:43:00.000-07:00

What rainy day? This is LA sister. Bite your tongue. Or someone elses if the mood
strikes you.

I was just in Cape cod and ran in the pouring rain. And in LA I work indoors. Go
figure.

Anything for a visionquest. Even a small one. Now go make us a salad. I saved two
olives for just for you, beautiful muse.

Ciao,
-G

submitted by R

I find your lack of judgement disturbing

2009-07-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

I love Star Wars as much as the next geek (the old ones anyway).... That being said, this is just too much. For me, anyway. But you go, girl!

These pretzels are making me thirsty!

2009-07-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

faker, please

2009-07-11T22:41:00.000-07:00

subject: I love you

will you be my girl friend

It is especially meaningful considering we have never exchanged anything. His photo is clearly a generic male model. Anyway...

third time's the charm?

2009-07-11T22:27:00.000-07:00

Guess who's back?!

C!

This is his third message to me, all of which were ignored.

See this and this.

subject: hi, duchess hey duchess, im going to be short and sweet, i saw your pics and your profile and i fell in love, why you are single is a mystery, i would love to talk and know about you,,,c

but on this site it takes for ever to get a respond and is very vaugue, so i have decided to trust in a world of broken promises,, this my number xxx-xxx-xxxx this is the best way to klnow me and to see that i am a treasure to be found, i know i am a little forward and hope you dont mind but i am dying to get your attention and want to know if we can talk and yes eventually go out, i think your a keepper,,,,,c

p.s if your into looks than just move on, because i am not a male model, since this is what all women here seem to be looking for, but if you want a man to be there for you and take you chicken soup when your sick, then i am your man. i am a real man but got my soft side that most women dont see,,,,can you?

If your profile picture is anything like this...

2009-07-06T21:44:00.000-07:00

I make snap judgements about you... and they're not good.

Reverse psychology

2009-07-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Subject: Hey There

we had talked before and sent emails to eachother but i havent heard from you in a while...write back if still interested in a new friendship...E

It's funny cause we've never communicated. He must have me confused with some other smart ass.

it reads like a greeting card

2009-07-06T21:07:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Although there are a lot of guys out there, I wish you the best in finding that one person who will connect with you and become your best friend, loyal companion, and faithful counterpart.

Please don’t be afraid to be patient, selective, and cautious. Even if it means filtering/screening out a lot of questionable guys…continue to stay true to yourself, hold on to your standards and principles, and never settle for anything less than what you deserve.

Sometimes it’s easy to think “Is there anything wrong with me? Why are all my friends married or in happy, long-term relationships except me?” Well, please don’t be discouraged or disappointed. Try not to think that there’s anything wrong with you. Sure, we’re all human, and yah, maybe we each have our shortcomings and flaws…and maybe you’re not “perfect”; but surely, you are perfect for someone out there. And once you meet that lucky person, and he spends time to get to know you, he will discover for himself how remarkable, special, and amazing you really are. He will fall madly in love with you, be so enamored and captivated by you, that he will be powerless. He will love you unconditionally. He will shun all other women and be forever devoted, dedicated, committed, and faithful to you. And to you alone.

So best of luck, happiness and success to you. I sincerely hope you find that special man. Take care.

Clearly, a special man wrote this.

with those?!

2009-07-06T18:29:00.000-07:00

Subject: I'd like to Do you JK

deja poo

2009-06-18T21:53:00.000-07:00

subject: tired of just looking at your pics

hey duchess, saw your pic and wanted to say hello, to be honest i have seen you before but didnt think you would say hello back but i decided to try just to see if you are as cool as your pic, i hope your not conceided nd truly are friendly and kind, i am a man that knows what he wants and is driven in life and in romance, i hate around the bush things and maybe's so i have decided to ask you out and see if we can talk and hang out, who knows maybe your that one that i am looking for in my life. you seem very sexy and humble at the same time and i like that combo in a woman, is if you see me as i see you say hello and yes on the date and see if we mesh well together if not then just be honest and say i am not your match, but dont leave me hanging with these e roses i got for you, aside from that i think your very pretty and what we guys call a great catch,,,c

p,s i hope i hear from you and sorry it is a little long, sometimes i dont know when to stop once i get going.

c

Omg C strikes again! Such persistence! Such repetition! He must be the one!!! See this previous entry.

the assman cometh

2009-06-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

subject:***

nice ASS

Thanks I guess...?

classiest picture ever

2009-06-16T21:26:00.000-07:00

The public urinal is all I can see. Good choice.

I am so turned on right now

2009-06-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

subject: there is dog theft in your area

First, I wanna say you are gorgeous, and must read my profile.

I am a dog rescuer. Share this with anyone that has dogs.

There are professional dog thieves operating in your area.

They have the tools, and know-how, to steal any dog, no matter how “vicious” you may perceive your dog to be. They can, and will, steal your dog. Pit bulls, rottweillers, and dobermans are stolen as much as any breed.

Dogs are stolen from yards; parked cars, even when the cars are locked; and from outside stores.

Only 10% of missing dogs are ever returned.

Most are sold into animal experimentation, where they are slowly tortured, time and time again, until death. Others are sold as dog-fighting bait; exotic pet food; and even human consumption!

A micro-chip, although a very good idea, is not GPS for dogs.

Never leave your dog unattended, unless he is safely inside your home.

According to a paper presented to the American Society of Criminology in 2006, an illegal economy in the theft of pets, mostly dogs, has emerged in the U.S. in recent years, with the thieves known as "bunchers." The bunchers sell the animals to Class B animal dealers, who pay $25 per animal. The dealers then sell the animals to universities, medical and veterinary schools, and companies providing animal-testing services. Lawrence Salinger and Patricia Teddlie of Arkansas State University told the conference that these institutions pay up to $500 for a stolen animal, who is often accompanied by forged documents and fake health certificates.

In 2006 HBO produced Dealing Dogs a documentary film based on dog theft

huh? Is this from the Army of the 12 Monkeys?

you are excused

2009-06-16T20:50:00.000-07:00

subject: EXCUSE ME

I THINK YOUR PROFILE...
JUST DESCRIBED ME..

YOUR INCREDIBLY SEXY..
:)

ADMIRING YOU,

LOVETGR___

start and build, start and build...

2009-05-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

re: relationship invite

Do you have msn messenger or yahoo? I would love to get to know you and if you are not seeing anyone, I would love to start and build a relationship with you :-) Let me know if you would also be interested in starting and building a relationship with me :-)

J

Dear J,

Thanks for the invite, but I'm gonna have to RSVP no on that one. You have never spoken to or met me. Already you want to "start and build a relationship"? You must be an amazing catch. Too bad I'm not a "start and build" kinda gal. Better luck next time.

FF

is it a word problem or a come on?

2009-05-27T22:33:00.000-07:00

re: well you certainly choose an...

appropriate name for yourself.Femmefatele is right.Girls like you make me question my worth,but you know what?Forget that.I can go out and get a girl like you or better 5 days a week.Well,I'm going to modify that a little.Alright,3 days out of the week.Ok,alright a couple times a month.Alright,just becouse there are not girls as pretty as you on every block doesn't mean it won't happen.Alright,I got it.I'm sticking with every 5 square miles in any given town.sheeesh.

I hope you're happy now.

as opposed to...

2009-05-27T22:30:00.000-07:00

re: hi

hello, how are you doing? I like the main photo because you have a clean face.

just give this internet a chance!

2009-05-18T02:53:00.000-07:00

Subject: Hello, some help

I'm doing this exercise to overcome my shyness, I went to the doctor and he said that the best way to do it was to start talking to pretty girls. So, how are you?

Nah, this was the most creative way I was able to come up to break the ice without being an @sshole. I'm not shy in real life. I'm just giving this internet a chance because it's hard for me to find goodlooking girls that are smart too.

Tell me what you do. Do you like stuff? what kind of stuff do you do? I like stuff and I also like doing stuff. (I also like to say "stuff" a lot

Just...boo.

don't tell me what to doooooooo!!!!!!!

2009-05-18T02:50:00.000-07:00

Subject: hey

hey write me

meh.

Well, since he's close by...

2009-05-16T21:15:00.001-07:00

Subject: close by

do you like hot make out sessions with cute guys, and toned bodys that live close to
you??? i think i know someone

Note: This gentleman's profile picture was a shirtless one, taken by himself in the mirror. Ugh. I don't care how hot you are, don't do it.

I need you to not say that

2009-05-16T21:08:00.000-07:00

subject: Hi From J
Hello I am J and I need you to smile pretty girl.

do I feel the fire??

2009-05-02T12:58:00.000-07:00

Subject:hey

Hey write me

U are cute.I like ur profile and friendly attitude. Pl check mine
We have similar needs.If u feel the fire Lets connect...create some fun memories...Life is too short...Are U upto it...(Discreteness is very imp..Pl understand)..many kisses..keep smiling....J

discreteness??

I feel preety, oh so preety...

2009-05-02T12:42:00.000-07:00

Subject:hi

hi femmefatale im e____ i just thought u were so preety!!my name is e____ i hope we can talk sumtime,we seem like we would get along good...........

and what is your name again?

stop yelling at me

2009-05-01T11:42:00.000-07:00

Subj: hey sexy

HELLO SWEETY! MY NAME IS G I AM 27 YRS OLD, LIVE IN BUENA PARK, I AM A PRIVATE INDUSTRIAL FIREFIGHTER, I LOVE OFFROADING, GOING TO GLAMIS,JET SKI'N AT HAVASU,MOJAVE,LAUGHLIN. GOING OUT TO BARS/CLUBS ONCE IN A WHILE.I AM VERY COOL AND DOWN TO EARTH, I HATE DRAMA, JUST LIKE TO LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST. HOPEFULLY WE HAVE SOME THINGS IN COMMON AND COULD GET TO KNOW YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY BEAUTIFUL!!!

Umm... This is the second time I have received this same exact message from "LIVIN IT UP 69...." Go away and wtf is a "glamis"? Words to the wise: If you have 69 in your screen name you are a douche, I'm sorry.

why were the ladies go away from you? Lol!

2009-04-27T16:33:00.001-07:00

Subject: nice

Nice picture by the lake, why were the ducks go away from you? Lol!
I'd like to think you were feeding them, but ducks generally come to you for food, lol! F

Hateful, but nice imagery

2009-04-24T17:58:00.000-07:00

Subject: blind
You are only Femme fatale in the sense that you are liable to kill someone like me with your filthy arrogance and sense of self importance and superiority. You live in a house of mirrors, look around, every so called self proclaimed femme fatale acts, in the same disgusting self important manner, you are not a person but a pattern, designed by that filthy fiend, your father, the devil. Don't even try to email me back, I have a 35 passes algorithmic shredder that will destroy your dirty crap to infinite pieces...

there are so many things wrong with this

2009-04-20T20:38:00.000-07:00

subject: Tired of just looking at your pics

hey duchess, hows it going, im c in culver city , its a pleassure to write to you and hope that my message is not too long and is to the point. was reading your profile because i wanted to get past just the pictures and see if you are as real as you wrote on your profile and i am impressed. everything you wrote is what we guys call a keeper,, or a great catch and i know a great woman when i see one,,for the life of me i have no idei on how your not taken and or are still single,,,maybe you've been waiting for me,,lol,, sorry took long,lol. i was very impressed on how well you express your self and your feelings. the way you tell things is like painting a picture of wha you want,, i like that i was able to see what it is that you want, from the imtimicy in the bedroom to a great campout in the woods or the dessert. love your persona and if you like u2 like i do then i am in love.lol.to be honest i dont know if im ever going to hear from you and or get a possitive responce and say that you would love to know about me also. i am a man that is looking for a woman like you , a great friend , a great girlfriend and eventually a great wife, im looking for one woman to make me a better man, to support and push me to the edge, to challenge me and not give up on me as i would never leave you behind, a woman that is strong but knows to find confort and love and confort in the arms of her man, a woman that is secure but needs and misses her man when hes not there. i can understand that many guys dont come up to talk to you because they are intimidated because you seem so high maintanance and very classy but to me thats my turn on, a woman that is so real that is scary. i dont know who and how you really are but i would love to find out, but im also a realistical man,,maybe im aiming too high with you since you kinda seem out of my league, but im also intrigged to know who you reallly are about , if your not a conceided woman and very down to earth, someone that cares about kids and animals, the elder and others, someone that just loves to give as i do since im a virgo i always give more than i receive,,but its cool its gratifying to know i changed someones life, i am in construction and i got so much to say but to be honest i dont know if this message is going to hit home and change your life and makes you want to now more about me or i just wasted 25 minutes of my time and am going to end in the deleted box,,,i know this is alot but i would love to get your input and see if we could talk and eventually hang out,,c

p.s i can understand that you are so cute that it would be easier to touch the sun than your heart but i dare to dream, i always envision on having someone like you in my life, must be great to have been born that beautiful,,,lol,,, but on a serious note if you feel like theres no way we could take and eventually hang out let me know, so i dont wait like an idiot on a message that would never come,,,a simple es or no is enough for me,,ok,,,c

I have the appeal...

2009-04-20T14:58:00.000-07:00

Subject: your presence

Your appeal caught my eye. its also your words and expression that is attractive to me.
lets connect and see. We are playfulgrown-ups, right?

J